Dotonbori. Full of tourists, and you’re keen to try the famous Kobe beef.
Here’s a restaurant with close to a 5-star review and 3,500 ratings. You’re excited.
You enter the restaurant and there are 0 Japanese customers.
The staff guides you straight to the Kobe beef page and recommends the 300g Kobe beef for 48,000 yen.
You order it because you’ve reserved a spot at this restaurant or waited a long time, and you’re excited for this Kobe beef teppanyaki.
Next to you is a group of Europeans ordering even more than you. They’re talking to the chef: “Where can we buy a katana? Osaka is great and you’re the best chef!!” Suzuki the chef likes it. He smiles ear to ear and can’t be bothered with the other customers.
The Kobe beef comes. 300g looks like a lot when it’s one whole piece, but it’s actually about 14 small pieces of beef.
No, it doesn’t melt in your mouth.
It’s fatty, yes, but it’s not superior to regular yakiniku beef in Japan. It’s good, but not “please pay 20 times more than regular beef in Japan” good.
Different and special if you’ve never been to Japan or had proper beef, maybe. But no, not 48,000 yen worth.
Salad, some miso soup, some small Kobe beef cubes, rice, more small Kobe beef cubes.
The end comes. How do you know? Chef Suzuki is busy talking to his new best friend, and all the staff are busy with something else. You only know because no new food has come for the past 20 minutes.
Done in 45 minutes? Well, at least it’s 45 minutes…? No, you’re waiting for the chef, because there’s only one chef grilling the meat.
Would I like to pay the bill?
Not me. Never again.
Unless you’re trying to have Kobe beef just because it’s Kobe beef, rather than for the taste.
Unless you’re here because, like me, you were fooled by the 3,500 reviews and near-5-star rating.
I felt like a huge fool after the meal.
